Waiting all this time, getting my hopes up all these years… Thinking something would happen soon and then before I know it, another year has gone by… Still I am excited and waiting and imagining perfection… but nothing happens. Nothing ever happens, except my heart that’s breaking apart, piece by piece, disappearing into the void. Nothingness. No Hopes. No Dreams. Nothing to look forward too, only crushed fantasies.
Forget about it. You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m over it. It’s done. There is no way that it will make me happy anymore. You’ve waited too long, and crushed my hopes too many times.
Really, I pretend that whenever people ask about it, that it doesn’t bother me. But really, it does. A lot. And it embarrasses me to act like we are waiting for the right time, and that there are just too many complications right now, but honestly, tell me? When is there ever a right time? When is there ever no complications? There will always be something, and always be an excuse as to why we do not commit, or actually, why you don’t want to commit.
I’m tired. I’m just tired of pretending to care that someday it will happen, but that day has passed so many times, and the years just keep on coming.
I am fed up. Shrugging it off all the time. Getting hurt all the time. Getting my hopes up and then end up being disappointed all the time, and you don’t care how it end up effecting my heart.
Well you know what, it broke me. And I am done. I don’t even smile anymore thinking about “Should it happen”. The idea of it doesn’t make me happy anymore. Like it used to.
And you know what… It is all I ever wished for.